


Welcome to Voltron

by NothingIWontGive



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Don't Judge Me, Don't blame me you clicked on the story, I Don't Even Know, Its really a weird au, M/M, Mentions of Death, One last reminder this is a weird as fuck au, Other, Shiro (Voltron) is a Dork, Shiro acts like a teenage girl, Shiro is obsessed with Matt, Technical Mentions of other paladins, Welcome to Night Vale AU, please read this fic, shiro and Keith are siblings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-27
Updated: 2018-10-11
Packaged: 2019-06-17 01:54:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15450810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NothingIWontGive/pseuds/NothingIWontGive
Summary: A Welcome to Night Vale AUYou may have seen this on the Voltron Amino.UhEnjoy?I also can not promise weekly updatesI do this story for funPlease support the actual podcastSearch Welcome to Night Vale, and I know you'll find it.SoundCloud, YouTube, Spotify all definitely have it





	1. Pilot (Episode 1)

**Author's Note:**

> Takashi Shirogane as Cecil Palmer  
> Matthew Holt as Carlos... The Scientist  
> Coran as Old Woman Josie  
> Angels as Angels...  
> Keith Kogane as Abby (Cecil's Sister)  
> Lance McClain as StEvE cArLsBuRg  
> Pidge Gunderson as one of the many scientists that help Carlos (Matt)  
> Allura as Mayor Dana Cardinal  
> Hunk Garrett as John Peters... You know, the Farmer  
> Kuro as Kevin  
> Haggar as The Faceless Old Woman Who Secretly Lives in Your Home  
> Lotor as Teddy Williams

The desert seemed empty, all but a small town that was in the center of it. Well... two towns but who cares about the Desert Bluffs? The town we're talking about is Night Vale. The town was quiet except for the towns local radio station. Inside the radio station was busy with life to get the broadcast going. In the center of it all was a man, dressed in slippers, khakis, a nice shirt, a vest, and a horrendous tie. Lord did that tie deserve to be thrown into the dog park and never be recovered. The man's name was Takashi Shirogane, but the town just called him Shiro. The man was sitting in front of the microphone, waiting for his assistant to give him the signal that he was live. He was staring at his moving tattoos, that kinda looked like scars, but whatever. Soon his assistant gave him the cue and he scooted closer to the Mic, "A friendly desert community where the sun is hot, the moon is beautiful, and mysterious lights pass overhead while we all pretend to sleep, " He pauses, "Welcome To Night Vale." He hears the music play as he grabs his first card to talk about. "Hello, listeners. To start things off, I've been asked to read this brief notice: The City Council announces the opening of a new Dog Park at the corner of Earl and Somerset, near the Ralph’s. They would like to remind everyone that dogs are not allowed in the Dog Park. People are not allowed in the Dog Park. " He smiles and continues, with his deep voice, "It is possible you will see Hooded Figures in the Dog Park. Do not approach them. Do not approach the Dog Park. The fence is electrified and highly dangerous. Try not to look at the Dog Park, and especially do not look for any period of time at the Hooded Figures. The Dog Park will not harm you, " He continues. He begins to tell his listeners about the news. Old Man Coran had told everyone he had met Angels, who changed his lightbulb. He is now trying to sell the old light bulb, due to it being touched by an angel, and if you are interested meet her in the Car Lot. Changing a light bulb was not the only thing Coran said the ten foot tall, radiant,one of which being pure black, like the void, maybe it was the void, one my never know, beings did, they also were said to have done multiple other household chores. "In other news. A new man came into town today. Who is he? What does he want from us? Why his perfect and beautiful haircut? Why his perfect and beautiful coat? He says he is a scientist. Well…we have all been scientists at one point or another in our lives. But why now? Why here? And just what does he plan to do with all those breakers and humming electrical instruments in that lab he’s renting – the one next to Big Rico’s Pizza?" He pauses, his voice getting much deeper, "No one does a slice like Big Rico. No one." Shiro continues as though nothing had happened. "Just a reminder to all the parents out there: let’s talk about safety when taking your children out to play in the scrublands and the sand wastes. You need to give them plenty of water, make sure there’s a shade tree in the area, and keep an eye on the helicopter colors." His voice getting very happy, telling of the colors. "Are the unmarked helicopters circling the area black? Probably World Government. Not a good area for play that day. Are they blue? That’s the Sheriff’s Secret Police. They’ll keep a good eye on your kids, and hardly ever take one. Are they painted with complex murals depicting birds of prey diving? No one knows what those helicopters are, or what they want. Do not play in the area. Return to your home and lock the doors until a Sheriff’s Secret Policeman leaves a carnation on your porch to indicate that the danger has passed. Cover your ears to blot out the screams." He looks at his assistant as they frown at him, he shrugs. "Also remember: Gatorade is basically soda, so give your kids plain old water and maybe some orange slices when they play." Shiro finally gets to some more news, this time about a commercial airliner that had appeared in Night Vale elementary's gymnasium. The appearance of the airliner had disturbed basketball practice and was probably put there by Night Vales rivals, the Desert Bluff Cacti. The Night Vale Mountain Lions are greatly disturbed by the Bluffs. The Airliner disturbed practice for several minutes, "For shame, Desert Bluffs. For shame." Shiro then leans on the table and sighs happily, "That new scientist – we now know it’s named Matthew – called a town meeting. He has a square jaw, and teeth like a military cemetery. His hair is perfect, and we all hate, and despair, and love that perfect hair in equal measure, " He sighs lovingly, biting his lip, continuing on about how Coran brought corn muffins, that lacked salt but weren't all that bad. Coran saying that the angels took his salt for godly missions. "Matt told us that we are by far the most scientifically interesting community in the U.S., and he had come to study just what is going on around here. He grinned, and everything about him was perfect, and I fell in love instantly." He sighs happily. Though on the other end of a radio was that said scientist who blushed and dropped the beaker he was holding in his hand, covering his face with his hands, curling up into a ball, blushing profusely. Matt could remember when he entered Night Vale, not really remembering how he got there, but still curious to see everything about the town he now lived in. He only tuned into the show when Shiro mentioned his name. Which was actually quite often, though Shiro only talked about, what had already happened that day. Shiro did fail to mention that there was so many people around him, and that he had a team of scientists. Matt remembered Shiro specifically, he was... Weird? Cute? He wasn't really sure, but he wanted to learn more things about Shiro, he wanted to learn about Shiro's family, about Shiro, he wanted to just learn about Night Vale. He hoped that it would be a great day, or year, or eternity, or however long he would be in Night Vale for, he hoped he could grow used to Night Vales Weirdness. Though he might have to avoid Shiro for awhile, he was too adorable to think about while doing experiments. "Government agents from a vague yet menacing agency were in the back, watching. I fear for Matthew. I fear for Night Vale. I fear for anyone caught between what they know and what they don’t yet know that they don’t know." Matt leaned on his desk, continuing to listen to the voice speak about the press release that was given that morning, something about Night Vale gaining a Waterfront... In the middle of the desert. Shiro continued to talk about the topic, not that Matt was listening. He just needed something to fill up the void of silence. "Guns don’t kill people.It’s impossible to be killed by a gun.We are all invincible to bullets and it’s a miracle." Matt looked towards the radio, confused. What had he walked himself into? This town was so weird, "Matt and his team of scientists warn that one of the houses in the new development of Desert Creek, out back of the elementary school, doesn’t actually exist." Like he said, what the hell is this town? The house doesn't exist, it's fictional. "'It seems like it exists,' explained Matthew and his perfect hair. 'Like it’s just right there when you look at it. And it’s between two other identical houses, so it would make more sense for it to be there than not.' But, he says, they have done experiments and the house is definitely not there. At news time, the scientists are standing in a group on the sidewalk in front of the nonexistent house, daring each other to go knock on the door." Matt had said all of those things, but if he's being honest he only used scientific terms when outside of the lab. He usually said things like, "WE'RE GONNA LET THE THINGY GO BOOM! " In short, he was a dork, but a good kinda dork. Shiro had started to talk again, but Matt was now engrossed in other things. Those 'things' were the experiment(s) he was previously doing, once more only tuning in when Shiro mentioned him. Though Shiro did mention a floating cat, he would have to check that out later. "Matt and his scientists at the monitoring station near Route 800 say their seismic monitors have been indicating wild seismic shifts – meaning to say that the ground should be going up and down all over the place. I don’t know about you folks, but the ground has been as still as the crust of a tiny globe rocketing through an endless void could be. Matt says that they’ve double-checked the monitors and they are in perfect working order. To put it plainly, there appears to be catastrophic earthquakes happening right here in Night Vale that absolutely no one can feel.

Well, submit an insurance claim anyway. See what you can get, right?" Matt was absolutely confused at this point, was Night Vale always like this or was it only like this on Mondays? Well he will find out soon. He began his experiment once more, as Shiro talked about the traffic report, "Now, police are issuing warnings about ghost cars out on the highways, those cars only visible in the distance reaching unimaginable speeds leaving destinations unknown for destinations more unknown. They would like to remind you that you should not set your speed by these apparitions, and doing so will not be considered 'following the flow of traffic.' However, they do say that it’s probably safe to match speed with the mysterious lights in the sky, as whatever entities or organizations responsible appear to be cautious and reasonable drivers, " The radio booms, before it going silent for a few moments, "and now the weather. " Some music begins to play.

~~~~~~~~~

As the song ends Shiros voice comes back, "Welcome back Listeners," He smiles into the mic, looking down at his cards once more. "The sun didn’t set at the correct time today, Matt and his team of scientists report. They’re quite certain about it. They checked multiple clocks and the sun definitely set ten minutes later than it was supposed to." Shiro leaned closer to the microphone, "I asked them if they had any explanations but they did not offer anything concrete. Mostly they sat in a circle around a desk clock, staring at it, murmuring, and cooing. Still, we must be grateful to have the sun at all. It’s easy to forget in this hot, hot, hot desert climate, but things would actually be slightly harder for us without the sun. The next time the sun rises, whatever time that turns out to be, take a moment to feel grateful for all the warmth and light and even, yes, extreme heat that our desert community is gifted with." Shiro began to turn his head to look at the cards again. "The City Council would like to remind you about the tiered Heavens, and the hierarchy of Angels. The reminder is that you should not know anything about this. The structure of Heaven and the organizational chart are privileged information, known only to the City Council members on a need-to-know basis. Please do not speak to or acknowledge any Angels that you may come across while shopping at the Ralph’s or at the Desert Flower Bowling Alley and Arcade Fun Complex. They only tell lies and do not exist. Report all Angel sightings to the City Council for treatment." Shiro threw the card aside, reading the next, "And now a brief public service announcement. Alligators: can they kill your children?.....Yes. Along those lines, to get personal for a moment, I think the best way to die would be swallowed by a giant snake. Going feet-first and whole into a slimy maw would give your life perfect symmetry. Speaking of the Desert Flower Bowling Alley and Arcade Fun Complex, its owner, Lotor, reports that he has found the entrance to a vast underground city in the pin retrieval area of Lane 5. He said he has not yet ventured into it; merely peered down at its strange spires and broad avenues. He also reports voices of a distant crowd in the depths of that subterranean metropolis. Apparently the entrance was discovered when a bowling ball accidentally rolled into it, clattering down to the city below with sounds that echoed for miles across the impossibly huge cavern. So, you know, whatever population that city has, they know about us now, and we might be hearing from them very soon." Shiro looked at his assistant, who was throwing another card at him, " Matt, perfect and beautiful, came into our studios during the break earlier but declined to stay for an interview. He had some sort of blinking box in his hand covered with wires and tubes. Said he was testing the place for 'materials.' I don’t know what materials he meant but that box sure whistled and beeped a lot. When he put it close to the microphone it sounded like, well, like a bunch of baby birds had just woken up. Really went crazy. Matt looked nervous. I’ve never seen that kind of look on someone with that strong of a jaw. He left in a hurry. Told us to evacuate the building. But then, who would be here to talk to sweetly to all of you out there? Settling in to be another clear night and pretty evening here in Night Vale. I hope all of you out there have someone to sleep through it with. Or, at least, good memories of when you did." He said lovingly but still confused. Shiro blinked and shrugged, "Goodnight, listeners. Goodnight, " He moved away from the mic and sighed. He looked up at the ceiling, getting up. Listening to the daily proverb, "Today’s proverb: Look to the north. Keep looking. There’s nothing coming from the south." Shiro smiled at his coworkers, beginning his walk home.

~~~~~~~~

Shiro had returned home, still thinking about Matt, he was so handsome, so beautiful. He really hoped he would be able to see him more than once a month. But one can only hope, but hope was all that he needed. Shiro was glad to see someone different, and accepted. He was absolutely in love, but then again he hadn't seen anyone new in awhile. Maybe their story would escalate. Shiro loved that thought.


	2. The Phone Call (Episode 16)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takashi Shirogane as Cecil Palmer  
> Matthew Holt as Carlos... The Scientist  
> Coran as Old Woman Josie  
> Angels as Angels...  
> Keith Kogane as Abby (Cecil's Sister)  
> Lance McClain as StEvE cArLsBuRg  
> Pidge Gunderson as one of the many scientists that help Carlos (Matt)  
> Allura as Mayor Dana Cardinal  
> Hunk Garrett as John Peters... You know, the Farmer  
> Kuro as Kevin  
> Haggar as The Faceless Old Woman Who Secretly Lives in Your Home  
> Lotor as Teddy Williams  
> Slav as Telly the Barber

The strange man, who sits in the chair in front of a mic, was doing just that. He was sitting in front of a mic, mentally freaking out. He was ready to start his show, but he was also nervous. He was usually nervous when he started shows. Shiro wasn't even a calm man in the first place. Shiro was, in fact, perfectly imperfect in every way. As was the rest of his city, excluding Matthew Holt, who was actually perfect. Shiro still talked about the boy like he was god, which he was not. Matt was currently still working on the 'science' which isn't the point. Well I guess we're cutting this introduction short, the show is on in- now. The show is on n- "Your existence is not impossible, but it’s also not very likely, " Shiro said in his usual deep voice, "Welcome to Night Vale." Shiro continued to mentally prepare, "In light of the ever-declining sales of newspapers, and the rise of competition from digital media, the Night Vale Daily Journal announced that it has developed a new business model. Publishing editor Veronica McClain, speaking to television and internet reporters outside the burned-down shell of the Journal’s former distribution plant, said their new mission, as a newspaper, is to kill news bloggers with hatchets. In light of the ever-declining sales of newspapers, and the rise of competition from digital media, the Night Vale Daily Journal announced that it has developed a new business model. Publishing editor Veronica McClain, speaking to television and internet reporters outside the burned-down shell of the Journal’s former distribution plant, said their new mission, as a newspaper, is to kill news bloggers with hatchets. She added that the Journal still plans to use the AP Style Guide and they are working to design a newer, more modern-looking masthead. Several Journal reporters and ad reps then began swinging blades at the non-print reporters in attendance." Shiro swiveled in his chair to read his next card, as he did this he began to say, "The Sheriff’s Secret Police is issuing an urgent message to all citizens, " He sighed silently as he read the message, "ATTENTION ALL CITIZENS: Memorize this list. Memorize it now. It will not now, nor ever, be repeated. Memorize this list for your safety and protection. We cannot tell you when or where you will need to know it but when you do, you will be safe. Here is the list. Memorize. Now." Shiro moved to sit on his legs, getting much closer to the microphone, "Hazelnut, Mystify, Cuttlefish, Lark, Lurk, Robert, Anglican, Pheromone, Halter top, Marmalade, Hardware, Laser, Pepper, Release, Kneecap, Falafel, Period, Chase, Chaste, Leggings, Wool, Sweater, Heartbeat, Heartbeat, Heart, " The man paused, "Beat, " He paused once more, "Heart, " Once more, "beat, beat, beat, beat, beat, " As he said those words he kept pausing in between, leaving room for awkward silence. He let the silence continue for a few more seconds before saying, "Memorize that list, citizens, in order. Secret Police warn that if you miss even one word, or transpose a couple of worlds like “lurk” and “lark,” there could be unpleasant consequences. This has been a special announcement from the Sheriff’s Secret Police." Shiro leaned back to his original position, smiling widely. "Listeners, guess who called me this weekend. Well, hey, I don’t like to talk too much about my personal life here. This is your community news station, not Shiro’s Personal Life Station, right?" He had started to chew on his bottom lip, mostly with excitement, before finally bursting, "Okay, fine. I’ll just say it: Matt~" He sighs like a teenager girl with a crush, a crush that the girl hopes will be returned. "Matt, the beautiful, freckled skinned scientist who came into our little town and our littler hearts several months ago." Shiro giggled silently to himself before getting much more serious, "Well, I gave him my home phone number quite a while back, and he never called, and I didn’t think anything of it, right? I mean, sometimes people just don’t call, and that’s okay. Well, to the point, " He bites his lower lip, "Matt calls, and I’m like, “Hello?” Like I don’t even have caller ID! And he’s like 'I need to talk to you. This is important.' And I’m like, 'Umm, OK.' I mean, that’s pretty forward, right, listeners? But I can’t tell exactly what he wants yet. And he said, "Shiro.' Just the sound of his caramel voice! 'Shiro,' he says, 'Shiro. I think time is slowing down in Night Vale.' And then I said, after a slow sip of Armagnac, 'Oh?'" Shiro closes his eyes, sliding his headphones onto his head so he can walk while telling the story. 'And perfect Matt said, 'Last week: seven days, 24 hours each day, 60 minutes in each hour. That’s 10,080 minutes in a week, right?' 'Uh huh? Go on…' I said, trying to sound like someone with a normal pulse whose palms were not sweating. 'Well, I ran some figures, and during that same amount of time in Night Vale, 11,783 minutes elapsed everywhere else in the world. That’s more than a full day longer. I don’t know what’s happening.' Shiro giggled once more, like the school girl he is, "So that’s what Matt said! Listeners, what do you think? I feel like time always slows down when we’re together, Matt and I. Is that what he’s trying to say? I feel that way too! But I didn’t say it, I just said, ohh, this is bad…I just said, 'Neat!' Ugh! How embarrassing! I mean, Matt is so smart, and he says so many smart things! And I’m not dumb! I like science and municipally-approved books just as much as the next guy, so I can’t believe that’s all I could say to him. " ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Neat," The only word Matt could think of during the entire broadcast. "But…I did manage to ask if he wanted to get together sometime, and talk some more about this really fascinating subject. He said no…but he needed me to help get the word out and see if anyone has noticed a massive time-shift, so that’s what I’m doing now. Anything for the scientific community; I’m very into science these days! " His radio broadcasted. Matt bit his lower lip, muttering to himself mostly muttering about how it sounds like something people will quote for the rest of the time he's here. Maybe something like if your gay and your coming out to them you say your very in to science. Matt continued working at his desk... Table... Thing. "Wow! Can you believe he called me?" Matt once again mumbled under his breath, saying something along the lines of 'it was for business.' Matt leaned forwards against his desk. He listened to the broadcast quite closely. "Update on the impending invasion from the underground city: The Sheriff’s Secret Police has reviewed Teddy Williams’ grainy security footage from the Desert Flower Bowling Alley and Arcade Fun Complex, and they say that the nearly-indiscernible grey blotch making a slight movement near the cheese dispenser definitely proves that a lost city is moving toward war with Night Vale." Matt snorted, making a note of how he would have to check it out again, if he hadn't before. He couldn't quite remember. "A balaclava-clad man wearing a mitre, cloak, and a giant silver star, and speaking through a vocoder – you know, the man we all believe to be the Sheriff of Night Vale? – announced this morning that all citizens should prepare their town for war. This includes: fortifying porches with sandbags, training children to detect land mines, and not taking off our gas masks for meals (even though it is considered polite)." Matt sighed plopping down into his chair, closing his eyes, taking off his glasses. Though he technically didn't need them anymore, he still loved them to death. "We talked with Lotor himself. He told us that during last night’s league bowling tournament, the jukebox malfunctioned and would not stop playing 'Mister Brownstone.' Lotor says this could be a code, some kind of threatening message, or maybe even a subtle call for peace. He also asked that Night Vale citizens learn their shoe sizes. Shoe rentals are taking way too long, and it’s really not that hard to memorize a one or two-digit number." Matt kept taking notes on the strange happenings in Night Vale, "The Sheriff’s Secret Police also asks Night Vale residents to please help in their neighborhood watch program. Secret Police are in every neighborhood, watching everybody, so here are some tips on how you can help this invaluable community surveillance program." And so Matt wrote them down, word for word.

>   1. _**Keep all windows open during clement weather, and if you must close them during rain, dust, or coal storms, please keep them clean, and stand near them, so cameras and microphones can clearly identify you.**_
>   2. _**When having any private conversation, whether via phone or with those in your home, turn down the TV and radio to cut back on noise pollution. Also, please try to keep your conversations lively. Maybe some local gossip, or polarizing sports opinions. Too much boring talk about plans for your garden or where to buy good laser discs can make the Secret Police tired and less effective at their jobs.**_
>   3. _**Do not wear tinfoil hats. This hackneyed technique doesn’t work at all. Helicopters could mind-scan you through twenty feet of lead. You shouldn’t wear these homemade hats because it draws unnecessary attention to yourself. It’s pathetic and paranoid. The Secret Police are embarrassed for you.**_
> 


Matt tore the page from his notebook, stuffing it into a folder labeled, 'Rules and Secret Police.' Matt looked back up at the radio going back to listening to Shiros smooth as fuck voice, "And as always, if you see something, say 'something.' That’s the code word to call a special raid on a neighbor or stranger. If you see something, say the word 'something.'" Matt got up, beginning to pace, as he had been doing previously as Shiro described their Phone call. "Now, in the news. After several months of protests from ordinary Night Vale citizens of stout and sturdy character, the City Council has announced several improvements for the Public Library. These improvements are the following:" Matt once more wrote down the list, still word for word, but in a much sloppier handwriting than his usual. 

>   1. _An entrance is being constructed at the front of the building, so we will no longer have to enter by waking up between two shelves in a dizzy haze, unsure of how we got there, and then wandering around, trapped, until we wake with a start in our own beds, covered with sweat, and with a few books we checked out on our nightstand._
>   2. _Drinking fountains are being installed in the lobby, as well as dunking chambers, and a state-of-the-art fainting pool._
>   3. _Librarian repellent dispensers are being placed throughout the building. Remember, if approached by a librarian, keep still. Do not run away. Try to make yourself bigger than the librarian._
>   4. _Finally, the children’s section is getting beanbag chairs._
> 


"That is all. Is it? Yes! But is it? Yes. And now, traffic. All roads lead to somewhere, and all roads come from somewhere. And in between they are a snarl and curve, a twist and a bend. Where are we going? I mean, metaphorically? Where are we coming from? I mean, literally. Is it possible to stop, or turn around, and if not, what does that mean for the latest polls and economic reports?" Matt went back his experiments not listening to the radio as intensely as before. "Ladies and gentlemen: ladies and gentlemen, Route 800 is looking clear in both directions. The old dirt road to the small wooden shack is backed up at least thirty minutes. There. Now you know. Has that filled an emptiness for you? Are you any happier now? I hope so. This has been, and will always be, traffic. Listeners, I can hardly stand it any longer! During the past few stories, my phone has been silently buzzing. You guessed who!" Matt blushed, he unconsciously called Shiro, of course he did. Of course he does this more often than would like to admit. His body just... moving on its own, saying what was supposed to be said while he was actually deep in thought, listening to the radio. "Given that I am a radio host and it is therefore my duty to read you the news, it would be completely inappropriate for me to answer my phone – regardless of how much I want to soak my ears in the oaky tones of our community’s most significant outsider. But…well…he left me some voice mails. This may be a bit unorthodox, but I need your help, dear listeners, to determine where Matt is going with all of this. Let’s listen to these together, okay? What do you think he’s trying to say?" Matt wasn't even sure if he was actually in his science room, he really isn't aware if his surroundings, what is with him? "First saved message: Shiro, sorry to bother you. I need you to get the word out that clocks in Night Vale are not real. I have not found a single real clock. I have disassembled several watches and clocks this week and all of them are hollow inside. No gears, no crystal, no battery or power source. Some of them actually contain a gelatinous gray lump that seems to be growing hair…and teeth. I need to know if all clocks are this way, Shiro. This is ver– There’s something at my door, Shiro. I need to go, okay? I’ll call you back in…well, I don’t know. End of message." Wow did he actually record this? Probably. "Next message: There’s a man in a jacket holding a leather suitcase outside my door, Shiro. He’s not knocking, he’s just standing in front of my door. I can’t make out his face. I’m peering through a crack in the living room blinds – Oh no, he saw me! End of message. Next message: Sorry about that, Takashi. I forget what I was doing. I think somebody came over…but I don’t remember who or what for. Anyway, I need to meet you. Are you free tomorrow afternoon? You have a contact number for the mayor and someone with the police, right? It’s important that I find them. And again, can you get the word out on your radio show about the clocks? End of message." Matt frowned, it did confirm that he hadn't left his lab... Well, home. He does remember vaguely seeing the man as he was listening, but as stated before, he unconsciously observes, doing what is needed at the time, "Did you hear that, listeners? A date! Let’s go to the weather!" Matt laughs silently, listening to the music play as he is engulfed in his thoughts. Matt thought something to himself towards the middle of the song, and that was: Maybe he didn't mind a date. (Or thinking about it being a date.) And he called Shiro, consciously this time. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Shiro smiled as the music ended. "Well, I just got off the phone with Matt, listeners, and we have a date! Tomorrow afternoon! It’s just coffee, but maybe it’s more! Maybe lots more. Who knows?" Shiro grinning widely, trying not to squeal, "You know, they always say if you’re trying to meet someone, you may never find them, but it’s when you’re not looking, that’s when they find you. I’ve always heard this in reference to government agents, but I think it applies to dating as well. Matt did want me to ask if anyone has ever actually seen the Night Vale Clock Tower. I told him that it was invisible, and always teleporting, and that’s why he can’t ever see it. I mean, that seems sort of obvious. Okay. That was unfair. Matt is a very smart man, and I shouldn’t roll my eyes just because he doesn’t comprehend basic architecture. He obviously has a lot of other intriguing interests, though…like clock making, and seismology. And who knows what else?" Shiro leaned back in his chair, almost falling in the process, "Oh happy day, listeners! Thanks for listening, and for helping me through this. I’m so very excited!" He sat on his legs, "Before we go, intern Olia just handed me this: The Sheriff’s Secret Police would like to issue a correction to their earlier special alert. In their warning, they stated that memorizing a very specific list would keep you safe. This is incorrect. According to the new statement, quote: 'We are not safe. We are all being hunted by time and our own deceitful bodies. Memorizing the list will merely prevent additional external pain beyond that which you experience daily just by being alive. The Sheriff’s Secret Police regret the error.' End quote.That’s it for our news. Stay tuned next for a community-wide frisson of cosmic fright. Thank you again, Night Vale! May you, too, find love in this dark desert. May it be as permanent as the blinking lights, and as comforting as the dull roar of space." Shiro took off his headphones and began to leave the station told its daily proverb. 

> _**Today’s proverb: If I said you had a beautiful body, would it even matter because we are so insignificant in this vast, incomprehensible universe?** _


	3. One Year Later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uh  
> Help

> **_A year has passed. The man in front of the microphone is one year older. The man that loves science is one year older. You are one year older._ **
> 
> **_How does that make you feel?_ **
> 
> **_Do you still feel young?_ **
> 
> **_Do you feel... Old?_ **
> 
> **_You really shouldn't feel old, you have an eternity to feel old. Don't do it now._ **
> 
> **_Do you care that a year has passed?_ **
> 
> **_Did you even notice the year had passed?_ **
> 
> **_If you did. That's good, congratulations. You payed attention to what scientists call time._ **
> 
> **_However, if you didn't, congratulations. You realized that time doesn't exist._ **
> 
> **_To both parties, give yourself a pat on the back. You have both passed the test._ **
> 
> **_How has your life been this past year?_ **
> 
> **_Was it good?_ **
> 
> **_Was it sad?_ **
> 
> **_Did your family dog die?_ **
> 
> **_Did you realize that the family dog was actually your cousin Jeremy?_ **
> 
> **_Did you have to put Jeremy down?_ **
> 
> **_Did Jeremy turn out to be locked in the basement and you killed his twin?_ **
> 
> **_Did you throw your cousin Kimberly down with Jeremy?_ **
> 
> **_What about cousin Steven?_ **
> 
> **_Josh?_ **
> 
> **_Tyler?_ **
> 
> **_Rhys?_ **
> 
> **_What about Bex and Blake?_ **
> 
> **_Neil, Cree, and Aj too?_ **
> 
> **_Did you throw all of your family down there?_ **
> 
> **_Are you afraid they'll starve?_ **
> 
> **_That seems like a personal problem._ **
> 
> **_Are you excited for the upcoming year?_ **
> 
> **_Are you afraid that Wednesday will be cancelled due to a scheduling error?_ **
> 
> **_Don't worry, that's next Wednesday._ **

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

_The man who sits in front of the mic was not doing that, he is actually currently in the lounge getting his morning coffee. Only god knows, and the few surviving, that Shiro needs his coffee in the morning. We do not want that incident to happen again. So the community radio station keeps coffee in stock. But that is besides the point. Shiro really should stop lounging in here, his show is about to go live. Shiro has begun to walk towards his radio chair. Though he is singing Video Killed The Radio Star. So... there's that random fact. Shiro plopped down into his chair and went through his cards, sipping his coffee slowly. He sighed and looked up at the 'On Air' sign, which was off. Shiro smiled down at his cards, for no reason other than this was an anniversary of sorts. Of what? You may ask. To that I believe you will have to find out yourself. As the time passed Shiro got closer to the mic, begining to speak. "A friendly desert community where the sun is still hot, the moon still beautiful, and mysterious lights still pass overhead while we all pretend to sleep, " Shiro pauses for a moment, "Welcome to Night Vale." As the music plays Shiro takes another sip of his coffee, the last sip. "Word is in about a disturbance at the Desert Flower Bowling Alley and Arcade Fun Complex. There has been the sound of chanting and machinery from under the pin retrieval area of lane five, and Lotor has changed all the bowlers’ names on the electronic score cards to 'They Are Here!'" Shiro rolls his eyes, "This is causing some confusion, and has completely ruined Gyrgan’s 50th birthday party – which had rented out a few lanes for the afternoon. Gyrgan was last seen drinking a light beer out of a plastic cup, shaking his head sadly as he swished the liquid around, and looking out the window at the sky (mostly void, partially stars)." Shiro sighs, "Lotor was last seen howling, commanding his militia to surround the pin retrieval area and prepare for an attack." Shiro frowns and sighs once more, "And Matt – sweet Matt, brave Matt – was last seen approaching the entrance to the Underground City, saying he was going to get to the bottom of this, that someone had to, and that Lotor was deranged." Shiro looks up dramatially, "Lotor was then last seen saying, 'Oh yeah? Oh yeah? Say that to my face, big shot!' But Matthew, my poor Matthew, was already gone. I fear, Night Vale. I fear for what we know. I fear for what we don’t know. I fear for what we don’t yet know that we don’t know." Shiro backed away from the mic, unenthusiastically sharing the next bit, "The Apache Tracker, Zarkon, stood outside of the bowling alley, glowering at the entrance and shaking his head. I remind you that this is the white guy who likes to dress in a cartoonish approximation of a Native American, and claims to have 'mystical powers.' He’s a real racist jerk, and no one likes him. And the fact that he recently disappeared and reappeared as an actual Native American changes nothing. And neither does the fact that he can now only speak Russian. He is still the same embarrassment to our town he always was. Anyway, he’s glowering at the entrance, arms crossed, wearing one of his stupid plastic feather headdresses." Shiro huffs but regains his enthusiasm, "But…back to Matt. Matthew the Scientist. Perfect of stature and bearing, perfect of tone and taut, and time having fixed what the barbarous barber Slav so treacherously snipped away, perfect of hair. One year. One year later. Listeners. Listeners! One single year since two major events in our town’s history, " Shiro sets his notecards down, "One year. One year later. Listeners. Listeners! One single year since two major events in our town’s history. First, the opening of our lovely state-of-the-art Dog Park (which is forbidden, and which I will not mention again)." Shiro grins, "Second, and most important, it is one year since the arrival in Night Vale of our most beloved and singular citizen. He came to us to investigate our town. Because, he said, it was scientifically extraordinary, and downright bizarre. We had no idea what he was talking about, but with his golden voice ringing out from the bell of his mouth, who among us could argue with the content of such perfect speech? Oh, just one short year ago. I had arranged a small ceremony to mark this occasion, and invited Matt to attend. However, it looks like he will be…delayed. But I am not worried. I am not upset. I know that Matt will be here for the ceremony. I have the trophy here in my hand. I am holding the trophy and I am not upset. Matt will be here. He will. I am holding the trophy!" Shiro squeals like a teenage girl before resuming his composure, "In other news, a commercial airliner appeared today inside the home of surprised Night Vale citizen Nyma, who said she was about to get into the shower when it roared down her hallway and then disappeared, as suddenly as it had arrived. There is no conclusive evidence that this is the same airliner last seen in the Night Vale Elementary gym one year ago. But we have jumped to that conclusion and will defend it against all naysayers, violently and without mercy. Our truths may or may not be true, but they are ours, and we stand by them – even as the experts and skeptics hold aloft clipboards and intone to us about 'snow' and 'mountains.' Nyma added that she would like to take that shower now, and that she has no idea how we managed to arrive for an interview mere seconds after the incident occurred." Shiro looks down at the note cards, not exactly reading them, "'My doors are locked!' she said. 'My windows too! I’ve had my eyes shut for years! How did you get in here?'" Shiro rolls his eyes, almost saying, 'Foolish Nyma.' Instead Shiro says, "The local chapter of the NRA has begun market-testing some possible new slogans. These include: 'Guns don’t kill people, blood loss and organ damage does.' 'Guns don’t kill people, people kill guns.' 'A list of things that kill people: 1. Conceivably, anything 2. Not guns!' 'Guns don’t kill people, we are all immortal souls living temporarily in shelters of earth and meat.' And, 'If you say guns kill people one more time, I will shoot you with a gun, and you will, coincidentally, die.' To vote on the new slogan, simply fire a gun at the object or person that best represents your choice." Shiro grabs another card, "Parents, let’s talk about safety when taking your children to play out in the Scrublands and the Sand Wastes. All children in Night Vale are missing this week, so there’s no current safety issues. Hope we find ‘em!" Shiro looks down at the new note card his assistant handed him, "Oh happy day! I have just received word that Matt returned from the entrance to the city, gesturing to everyone around and asking them to follow him. He lead them into the pin retrieval area, which is not an easy place for a crowd, so there was a lot of crouching and saying 'Excuse me. Excuse me!' But soon enough, they were all arrayed on the clifftop, overlooking that dreaded subterranean metropolis. Lotor, and his militia, and the folks that had come for Gyrgan’s birthday, and Gyrgan himself – still holding his plastic cup of beer and leaning morosely against the wall, pointedly refusing to look where everyone else was, " Shiro flipped to the back of the note card, "This was the first time most of them had seen the city. It seemed so distant below them, its strange spires small and far away. The windows in the buildings, alight with the fire of hostile life, were tiny dots from where they stood. They could hear the footsteps of the approaching army, the chanting! Many of them quaked with fear, but not Matt. My brave Matt stepped out into the pit, climbing down the slope. At first, onlookers were horrified at his lunatic descent. Then, they were confused…as he got to the city much faster than they expected. And then, there was panic, as their eyes told them a story they could not understand, let alone believe. 'Behold,' said Matt, standing in the center of the Underground City, 'this is not an enormous city miles below the earth. It is a very small city about ten feet below the earth, populated by tiny people, who have had to spend a year slowly climbing the ten feet to our world!' He gestured at the spires, which came up, approximately, to his knees. 'We have nothing to fear!'" Shiro hands the note card back to his intern, "Well…if Matthew says it, I will happily repeat it. We have nothing to fear, and never did!" Shiro looks at one of the previously thrown down note cards, "The City Council would like to remind you about the tiered heavens and the hierarchy of Angels. The reminder is that you still should not know anything about this. The structure of Heaven and the Angelic organizational chart are still privileged information. Also, Angels aren’t real. 'I really get tired of having to say this!' a City Council representative said to a group of disgruntled Angels. 'Angels aren’t real They just aren’t!' The Angels became unruly, and were dispersed by a thunderclap from Heaven." Shiro covers his mouth for a second, "Oh… A truly fearful thing has happened, listeners. Matt, standing triumphantly in the toy-scaled city, was attacked by tiny people using projectiles and explosives. He fell back to the side of the small hole in the pin retrieval area of lane five, blood welled through his shirt, and here I am, stuck in my booth, useless, only able to narrate and not to help. He staggered, fell to his knees – so much blood! He collapsed completely. Curse this town, that saw Matt die. Curse me. Curse it all! Let us take a moment to– Let us…take this moment– Ladies and gentlemen, let us mourn the pass- Can’t. I can’t! I am still holding this trophy!  I– We go now to this puh– …pre-recorded public service announcement." As the pre-recorded announcement played Shiro got up and paced for a second, leaving, "Scientists, and science in general, would like to remind you that some things exist and some things do not. Usually you can apply the simple test of seeing if it is there. If it is there, it exists! If not, it probably doesn’t – but it might just be currently existing somewhere else! Existence is tricky, these scientists say. Research shows this. For instance, there is that house in the housing development of Desert Creek out back of the elementary school – the House that Doesn’t Exist. It seems like it exists, like it’s just right there when you look at it, and it’s between two other identical houses, so it would make more sense for it to be there than not. But it does not exist. They have proved this with science. The scientists still haven’t gotten up the nerve to ring the doorbell and find out what happens. Do you want to do it? They’ll pay you $5 if you do! 'Just ring it once, OK? We’ll be watching from back here. You’ll probably be fine.'" Shiro came back to the chair, after chugging an entire pot of spiked coffee, to deal with stress. "Ladies, gentlemen, how wonderful! Matt is not dead at all! It seems that the Apache Tracker ran in, crouching awkwardly through the pin retrieval area and shouting “Наконец, мое время пришло!” (1) He leapt into the pit, trailing his offensive feather headdress, and heaved Matt up in a mighty bear hug, carrying him out of the pit while being attacked viciously by the miniature citizens of the miniature city. Even Gyrgan, upset still about his ruined birthday party, couldn’t help but cheer as the formerly false, now real, Native American laid Matt safely on the linoleum floor. Lotor, who of course is also a licensed doctor – as all bowling alley owners are required to be – checked his wounds and indicated through a series of rhythmic hoots that Matt will be, in fact, OK! He’s OK!" Shiro sighs happily. "Never before in my career as a broadcaster have I gone through such a roller coaster of emotion and fear! To think, that I had lost that most precious thing to me, the presence of Matt in my life, and then to have it brought back, so that I could appreciate it all the more. Oh, Matt! All the words I would never have said to you! And the news that the city is in fact only a miniature city ten feet down…well, that was startling as well. But it appears that all is well! And so I say to you, with a heart singing its way from heavy to light, goodnight, Night Vale! Good– Oh no! I have just been handed a note." Shiro scanned over the note quickly, "Oh. This is not good news. Ladies and gentlemen, in his valiant rescue of our beloved Matt, the Apache Tracker was mortally wounded. He is bleeding profusely and it is getting all over his fake feather headdress, and he says that even his ancient Indian magics will not help him – which of course they won’t, because they’re not real, " Shiro stated blankly, "Listeners, how could I have been so wrong about this man? A racist embarrassment to our town? Maybe. A real jerk? Yes. But he also was a man with Night Vale’s best interests at heart, who worked closely with the Angels and the mysterious Man in the Tan Jacket to protect us from the miniature city under the bowling alley. And he, at the cost of his own life, saved Matt. Matt breathes and soon the Apache Tracker will not. Tell me nothing else, and still I will tell you: here is a good man. Here is a good man dying. Here it is, the end of a good man’s life. The Apache Tracker spoke, not in a hoarse whisper, but with a clear, ringing voice, addressing the sky hidden behind the styrofoam panels of the ceiling: 'Ладно, ладно. Я знал, это случится. Ты можешь взять мою машину.' (2)" Shiro read carefully, "He said this, and then he died. The Apache Tracker is dead, Lotor confirmed. Gyrgan is slumped into a folding chair, kicking his feet and saying, 'This is the worst birthday party anyone has ever had.' Goodnight, brave Tracker. Goodnight. I thought you were one thing and you were another. It is likely I will learn nothing from this, " Shiro sighed, not really caring about this news. At that moment his phones dinged, "Oh! Message on my phone…Matt wants to see me. He says to meet him at the Arby’s parking lot. Um… I am not sure what scientific exploration now needs the services of my radio audience, but I will dutifully go, dutifully meet him. And as I go, let us all go. Go now, to the weather." Shiro got up quickly as the music began to play._

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

_"I arrived at the parking lot to find Matt perched on the trunk of his car in flannel and jeans, his perfect hair mussed, his perfect teeth hidden. 'What is it?' I said. 'Wha– what danger are we in? What mystery needs to be explored?' He shook his head. 'Nothing,' he said. 'After everything that happened…I just wanted to see you.' My heart leapt. My heart soared! My heart metaphorically performed a number of aerial activities and literally it began to beat hard. 'Oh?' I said, my voice more tremble than word. Matt looked at the setting sun. 'I used to think it was setting at the wrong time,' he said, 'but then I realized that time doesn’t work in Night Vale, and that none of the clocks are real. Sometimes things seem so strange, or malevolent, and then you find that, underneath, it was something else altogether. Something pure, and innocent.' 'I know what you mean,' I replied." Shiro smiles, lovingly, "Somewhere, the tiny people of the city below have arrived in Night Vale, and are beginning their war against us – having already shown themselves capable of murder. Somewhere, a Man in a Tan Jacket is whispering into the ears of our mayor, and we do not know what agenda they pursue. Somewhere, the body of the Apache Tracker lies cold and still, never to speak of ancient Indian magics again. This all happens somewhere else. But here, Carlos and I sat on the trunk of that car – his car – looking together at the lights up in the sky above the Arby’s…they were beautiful in the hushed twilight, shimmering in a night sky already coming alive with bits of the universe. One year later. One year since he arrived. He put his hand on my knee and said nothing. And I knew what he meant. I felt the same. I leaned my head on his shoulder. We understand the lights. We understand the lights above the Arby’s. We understand so much. But the sky behind those lights – mostly void, partially stars? That sky reminds us we don’t understand even more, " Shiro paused, looking towards the door, "Goodnight, Night Vale. Goodnight." Shiro got, up grabbing his coat and leaving for a second time that day. But first he stopped to listen the the daily proverb._

_Daily Proverb: game: Say “toy boat” over and over. Do it for the rest of your life. Retreat from society, and live on alms. Whisper “toy boat” as you die._

**Author's Note:**

> Ha, how was that?  
> Terrible?  
> I'm sorry.  
> I really thought that posting this fanfic on here would be a great idea.


End file.
